Emotional Awarness

So I have been watching Biggest Loser for years and you always watch the contestants break down while working out. They call it a break through and that they are starting to see why they are the way they are. Well I have been, of late, been more aware of my emotions. I have been able to stop and realize when I am mad or lashing out for other reasons. But like normal I avoid my fat related issues. Like why I start diets and fail. It isn't that I don't want to loose the weight or don't have the motivation. It is more that I have such low feelings of self worth that I don't put in an effort cause I know people expect me to fail cause that is what I do. I have to change that mind set to change the way I diet.
I watch shows and see girlfriends, wifes, etc stand up to their other halfs. They tell them things that if I did that to someone I would freak that they would hate me, leave me...etc! I am constantly worried people don't like me or dislike me for something. I worry that people will leave me. Being married has helped me realize these feelings and the patterns I start to keep people at a distance. I do it with family, friends, etc. and it doesn't matter if I have known you for 5 minute or 5 years. Realtionships scare me.
I think being over weight is has become a way to keep people and feelings at a distance. I normally eat to deal with things or to work off frustration or even to beat myself up.
So the answer? Work on me...work on loving me and being more confident. Not easy! But I have a short period of time to do as much work as I can. Why you ask? Because I am going to be starting the HCG protocol on May 14th. I want when I am off the injections for 6 weeks to not put weight back on. To stay where I am or loose a little extra! But I am not going to fail this time and this time I am serious.
My husband has helped me so much realize things about myself and to be supportive. Being truely loved by someone makes you face things you don't have to. Especially with someone who won't leave even when you do the STUPIDIST things! It is an amazing and scary things! But I love it and I love him!