Change in mindset

Recently I have come to a realization...part to my own awareness and part to others. But I have come to see that I am a complainer...I complain about my husband and my marriage more then anything else. That doesn't make for pleasant conversation. But I think my complaining goes higher then what I am complaining about but more to the fact that I am not happy. It is true...I am so angry so much that I don't even know how to handle situations anymore but to blow up! I am not going to say that situations don't arise that I am able to control my anger. But I just don't like what I have become.
Like I have said before anger is a secondary emotion. So if someone is acting out of anger then there is something else going on. Well that is true in my case...I am a very scared, hurt and unhappy person. And I have heard the you can choose to be happy...you can choose to look at only the good in your life. I believe that to a point! The thing is sometimes I think the things that make you angry stare you in the face a lot and it makes it harder to ignore them. Tho who said life was easy?
So I have decided to quit complain so often...to if the only thing I can say is going to be a complain to either keep quite or look for a positive somewhere...if not in my life then in someone elses! And I think it will help that I am starting counseling tomorrow...separate from the marriage counseling we are doing. I have things going on inside of me that need to be worked on if I want any hope of fixing this marriage! So wish me luck on my first session! I am a little nervous. I tend to just glaze over things and make things sound fine because I don't want to deal with it all. But I need to stop hiding from it and face it. My bestie has been helping to get to this point! She keeps telling me to get better in the head so I can get my life in order! She can be so supportive...even when she doesn't agree with my life choices she is there! Love her!
So I will be keeping you all up to date on my counseling and what I am learning and work towards! It will be a difficult thing to work through but I will be the better for it. Plus I will be better for my marriage, my husband and my son!

Swim Lessons

My little man is starting his swim lessons today. Sadly because of my single track mind I will not be able to go. I am taking my mom to the airport...promised almost a month ago. But such is life! So my wonderful mother in law is taking him. I am sad I will miss the first one but I will get to go to the rest of them. Plus Bill is so totally excited that he getting to going to the pool and that he gets to wear his new swim trunks and go swiming. Even tho he keeps telling me "Mom, I don't know how to swim!" So I tell him back "That is why you are going to swim lessons"
He is my little water baby tho and I know he will take to this quickly. Plus I am hoping that he keeps up the love of swimming because it is an awesome exercise. I want learn to be active when he is young so that is something he enjoys and incorpartes into his teen and adult life. I don't want him to live the life of being overweight! Or develop the health issues my family has and since I don't know what Nate's families health issues are it is better to be safe!

I KNOW!!!!!!!

I know that there are times that I am a downer...sometimes I am so overwhelmed by my life and things going on it that that is all I can talk about. But it seems like people get mad at me instead of encouraging me to be diffrent. If you don't like me talking negatively around you then say it. Or give me some encouraging words.
I don't think I have this HORRIBLE life and that everyone elses is easier. I know everyones life comes with heartache and struggles. I don't think my life would be easy or better if certain people weren't in it anymore. I know that I am in control of my happiness. But there are times that people are so overwhelmed by trying to fix things and failing and by living with something is draining on them.
I have a great home to live in, food to eat, people who love and and some AWESOME friends. But sometimes when you have been beaten down and are at your lowest it is hard to live in the good. It is hard to always focus on the light in your life.
Sin is easy, anger is easy...that is how Satan gets us. By showing us the easy part of life...the bad part of life. Gaining weight is easy for people...but loosing it is not! Letting your kid do whatever they want when they want is easy...disciplining them is not! So yes I am aware of what is easy and what is hard. But the hard will wear you down and you want to give up, run away and that, THAT is the time when you need the love and support of those around! Not negative words or people telling you that you enjoy living in the misery. Because I don't enjoy living in my misery I want to be happy even in the bad times. But that is a hard thing to learn to do. No one is amazing at it. I have found few people who can praise God and always find good in the bad. And people like that annoy me just because it is a foreign thought to me to live all the time looking and focusing on the good.
No I am not always happy or positive...yes it is easier for me to live in negatives. My life is not easy nor do I always have the support I feel I need! A lot of the times I feel alone and tired and worn out! The last three years of this marriage has been really hard. I have worked towards making it better and love my marriage when it is great. But when it gets hard and stays hard I have a hard time focusing on the good times we have had to get us through the bad. I am so scared of life and living and failing and succeeding...I don't know what it is like to succeed and that scares me...but I don't like failing.
Everything we do, say, think is all a choice and a desire. We can choose to be happy yes...but getting there is not easy and not everyone knows how to do it. Sometimes happy seems to so hard and so far away. Because Satan will come in and mess it up...and we can choose to allow him to mess us up or run over him and tell him "Get away I am going to be happy"
I pray for strength and understanding to be able to do that! I want to be happy...I want to teach my son to be happy no matter what he faces.

Not sure about counseling

So we had another counseling session this morning and well...I am just not sure how it is going. I feel like we haven't done much for 2 sessions other then my husband holding back info and then this morning I felt like he just threw me under the bus. I can't read the counselor either. So I am not sure what he is thinking really. He said that he wants to see us seperatly. So next week Jim will go by himself and I will go by myself the following week. So maybe the 5th session will show more than it has. I know two weeks is not a lot of time to see results but still. I feel like we are going no where. And the length of these session I feel that they are to keep you coming back and back because you don't get much handled. Plus you pay these OUTRAGEOUS amounts of money.
I think at the end of the 6th session if I don't see us working on something or see something working on changing in our relationship then I am not sure I will go back to these people. I am not going to waste time and money if it isn't going to do anyone any good. I would rather find someone else...but right now all it seems like is that he is so focused in on Jim. He has asked him all these questions and doesn't ask me much. The only really personal thing he has asked is how my relationship is with my family but didn't ask why or anything like that. Asked if I wanted to stay married to Jim too.
I am not nervous or anything about sitting down with him by myself so we will see. I just wish I could know if this round of counseling will work. I am tired of rehashing everything to go no were and so nothing really changes.
I was reading today that marriage should be the safe place where you can grow and change. A place to be supported and love...no wonder you are told not to go into marriage lightly or not be totally sure about someone. Cause if you marry the wrong person you have a LOT of work, heartache and pain in your future! I kick myself for not listening to my gut and all my friends and family. But can't change what has happened...I can only change what I can now!
What I need to work on right now is to grow a better relationship with God. Cause he is the only one that give me the stregth I need to do the right thing and to have the right attitude through this whole thing.
Please pray for us!

Counseling and hCG

Ok so we had our first counseling session yesterday. I was so nervous...you would have thought that I was going to have to get nakes. But I guess in a way you are naked. You are exposing parts of yourself that most people may never see. I didn't talk to much about myself but the things I did say were enough for him to figure something out about me that I wasn't being honest about myself with. He said that I tend to suclude myself from people. I never really saw myself as someone who did that. But when I told my mom she said that everyone knew that. She said that whenever someone(even my family) gets to close I push them away. And that is true. I am always so worried about being hurt and hurting others that keeping everyone at a certain distance makes it easier. Now on that note do I also sabotage myself to be a disappointment to other so they stay away? I mean how much of my behavior and actions have been because of wanting to keep others at a distance?
We are scheduled to go back next week for more counseling. I am interested to see what he is going to have us do. He mentioned something about a love map and getting us to a point that we aren't at such far ends of relationship spectrums. That Jim can learn to give me the space I need and that I can let my guard down enough to give Jim the intamcy he needs. I hope this works...I know marriage(like most things)isn't easy but I would like an easier marriage! Plus I would like a calmer house for Bill and a better example of what marriage is for him! Cause right now what is going on in our home is not good for anyone. It is toxic and just bringing out the worst in us all. I see how it is effecting Bill and everytime I see it it hurts and I am ashamed of myself!
So now to change topics...something I totally rock at lol
My hCG appointment is next Friday! Hmmmmm...I am a little weirded out about the drastic diet change I will be going on but at the same time I am excited about the weight loss. I know that eatting will be diffrent from now on. While I am taking the shots I can only eat so much a meal. So I think our eatting out bill will go down a lot and my waistline! I will definatly be on here more once I am on the shots. There will be hunger pains to talk about and distractions needed. Plus I think I will have a break through mentally with having to change so much! Might even figure out how to put a before pic up from my first day on. Then every two weeks put an updated pic up with how much weight I am down!
So please pray for me and pray for my family! We will need it!

hCG

Ok so on the 14th of May I am supposed to be going in for my first appointment for the hCG diet. They are going to do a work up and tell me how the diet is going to work best for me. I am so freakin worried tho that I am going to do the same crap I do on all my other diets. I start out strong and then something pops up and throws me off track. I want to be successful at this...I mean the possibilities are amazing of what I could accomplish with this.
For those of you who have not heard of this diet I will tell you. hCG is the pregnancy hormone and while on the diet you get injections of this hormone. You can do it daily at home or you can have a weekly shot done by them. Of course I am doing the weekly one cause I am not sure if I can handle shooting up myself. Anyways what they say happens is that it increases your hypothalamis(sp?) and with a very restricted diet you can loose a lot of weight. We are talking a diet consisting of about 500 calories. Yes I know what you are thinking...well if anyone ate as little as 500 calories a day they could loose that weight. I thought the same things. But I have been doing research and looking at other peoples posts/blogs about this. People who have done the shots tested out the theory of doing without the shots and said it is not as easy. You also do not loose the amount of weight. I have also done research into woman with PCOS doing this and they said it has made the weight loss easier. Cause as any woman with PCOS knows the heavier you weigh the hard it is to loose the weight!
Now please don't worry I will be going in every two weeks while on this to make sure I am loosing fat and not muscle. Plus you can only be on this for 4-6 weeks at a time. You body over time builds an immunity to this and needs a 6 week break to allow it to work again.
My husband and I have decided that we are going to do this till I weight 180lbs. We figure if I can get down to that then I can do the last 35 lbs on my own. Plus we will start trying again for a baby at that weight! If after 6 months of trying on our own and a doctor saying I still don't ovulate then I will get on Clomid(ovulation inducing drug). Then if we do that for 6-8 months with no luck we will then do the Foster to Adopt that we have looked into. We figure if we try for a year with no luck then maybe that is God telling us that kids of our own blood is not what we were meant to have in our family. Which is fine.
Plus all this time that I will need to loose the weight and trying to have a baby will give us plenty of time to be where we need to be. Like a strong marriage, family and of course a second car. One that will hold all the kids!
Cause if we do the foster to adopt we will probably do the options of siblings. It gives a greater chance of getting and infant. Plus Bill will probably be about 6 or 7 at this time and having kids that far apart would be hard. So if we got an infant and then a older sibling Bill would have someone closer to his age to play with.
But of course all this is in God's hands and that is where is must stay! But please wish me luck and encouragement is greatly appreciated!

Can only go up...right?!?!

I sit here outside on the back porch watching my amazing,wonderful son run around. Knowing that he is the one man right now that loves me no matter what. Even when I have a bad day or snap at him he just forgives and loves me. I know that with time this will happen less and less. But he will always love me. He is my life and my love and my air. When I think about loosing him it feels like the air has been knocked out of me and my lungs have forgotten how to work. It is hard for me to feel this way...I feel it is to much for a mother to feel this way about her son. I feel it puts to much on me.
But today I was reminded why his love makes me feel so fragile. Growing up almost every man in my life has shown to me and proven time and time again that I wasn't important enough to fight for or to forgive. Yet what is the one sex I continually go to to find that feeling? Yes you have it right if you say men.
Is it so wrong to want to be needed by your father...to have him look past himself for 5 seconds and just freakin love me? Is it wrong to expect some attention from with out being called a whiny brat for it? No I don't think it is to much to ask or to want. We are built for human contact, human connections with people. Especially our parents.
So when your father abandons you who do you look to? Well of course the next best thing...your big bro! I know, I know...that is a lot to put on someone. We all do it tho! He has his own issuses and problems but I just wanted to feel important to him. Protected...a little girl wants that...this 25 year old woman wants that!
But they both have all but abandoned me...emotionally, physically and in pretty much every way possible.
Yes occasionally my dad does a small thing for me. It is all he can do for me I guess...he has his problems too.
The thing is tho that I have another brother. I never expected to be protected or overly loved by him. He is my baby brother and I just want to protect and love him. I feel like I have failed and I know we don't have a good relationship. I know he won't come to me for advice or help. Well maybe as a last resort. And this all hurts. This is not how I expected to have adult relationships with the men in my family...let alone the lack of relationship that my son has with the men in my family!
Seek counseling is what you all are thinking...right?!?! I know...not an easy thing to find or put together. It is scary for me to bare it all and have to fix it. I have lived with these feelings and this life for so long that the thought of changing is scary! But I know I need to do it because my son needs me mentally healthy and together. He may be our only child and I don't want to loose the love and bond we have. I know it will change over time but I look forward to that. I just want to be capable of handling it.

Emotional Awarness

So I have been watching Biggest Loser for years and you always watch the contestants break down while working out. They call it a break through and that they are starting to see why they are the way they are. Well I have been, of late, been more aware of my emotions. I have been able to stop and realize when I am mad or lashing out for other reasons. But like normal I avoid my fat related issues. Like why I start diets and fail. It isn't that I don't want to loose the weight or don't have the motivation. It is more that I have such low feelings of self worth that I don't put in an effort cause I know people expect me to fail cause that is what I do. I have to change that mind set to change the way I diet.
I watch shows and see girlfriends, wifes, etc stand up to their other halfs. They tell them things that if I did that to someone I would freak that they would hate me, leave me...etc! I am constantly worried people don't like me or dislike me for something. I worry that people will leave me. Being married has helped me realize these feelings and the patterns I start to keep people at a distance. I do it with family, friends, etc. and it doesn't matter if I have known you for 5 minute or 5 years. Realtionships scare me.
I think being over weight is has become a way to keep people and feelings at a distance. I normally eat to deal with things or to work off frustration or even to beat myself up.
So the answer? Work on me...work on loving me and being more confident. Not easy! But I have a short period of time to do as much work as I can. Why you ask? Because I am going to be starting the HCG protocol on May 14th. I want when I am off the injections for 6 weeks to not put weight back on. To stay where I am or loose a little extra! But I am not going to fail this time and this time I am serious.
My husband has helped me so much realize things about myself and to be supportive. Being truely loved by someone makes you face things you don't have to. Especially with someone who won't leave even when you do the STUPIDIST things! It is an amazing and scary things! But I love it and I love him!

Finally coming to the end of a ride

Well the last two weeks have been emotional and filled with feelings I would rather not feel. But feeling them has given me a renewed prospective on things. I keep sitting here not taking responsibility for the things I can change and the way my life is. I know there are things I can't change...I can't change the fact that I have PCOS. BUT I can change how I let it effect me. I can't change the fact that to "cure" PCOS that I have to eat diffrent but I can change my attitude towards it.
You always here theses self help people talk about thinking positive and even in the Bible says to "Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. 3 For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God" (Col. 3:2-3). So dwelling on things that effect me here is not a good thing. I am not going to die and be held accountable as to weither I had more kids but how I raised the one I was blessed with. God is not going to judge me on what diet or how often I worked out but how I took care of the body he gave me!
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 ESV / 48 helpful votes
Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.
Sometimes sadness breeds good and pure thoughts! Sometimes realizing what we don't have helps better understand and love what we do! God has blessed me with a body and my body does have a difficult condition. But it is still a blessing to have and what I choose to do with my body and how healthy I choose to make my body is what I have to answer for.
There will always be things out of my control and out of reach. But there is always an oppurtunity to seek God and do His will. Even if being strong through rough times is and example to someone else of God's love then that is what I will do.

I thought I was finally ok with not having more kids or having to wait longer. I trusted God had a plan for us. But then a little baby showed up and the last two weeks have been an emotional roller coaster. Self doubt, pity, blame, anger, etc. Have literally started back at the beginning with this.
I have started to think the reason I have PCOS is because I am a bad parent. I feel like I can barely handle the one I have, the life I have. Then I start to wonder if Bill would have been better off being placed with different parents. All the things I want him to have in life I can't even be an example of. I am the opposite of what I want for me. But I can't find the drive, desire to change. I just feel sometimes like I am not the best for him.
I know this sounds like self pity and it is but it is how I feel at times. I am upset that I can't find it in me to eat right, excersice regularly and just stop doing all the stuff that I don't like about myself. Flat out I am lazy...have been all my life.
I know the answer is to just do it...change. But I seem to thrive on failing...I make myself fail. I guess the way I see it is that if I don't succeed people won't expect things from me and if they don't then I don't have to responsible.
I feel pathetic complaining about this. And not having the guts to change it.
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Emotional

Well Monday morning around 4:30 am I was dreaming about Grey's Anatomy and Meredith kept feeling nauseas...but the odd thing was that I was feeling it too! So I woke and laid in bed for a while wondering I wanted to just make myself do it to feel better or wait and see if it settled out! Well I decided the nausea wasn't going to get better so I made myself...it helped for alittle. But when her husband wakes up literally as you come out of the bathroom and crawl back in bed to go and do the dirty deed too...well the nauseas gets a well everyone else is doing so lets go again. This continued all morning with a few little naps in the middle. And to not go into to much detail...it got worse!
Eventually everything subsided and I was able to nibble a bananas, applesauce and eventually my body decided to keep everything I put in it! But now I am still dealing with the sore muscles and a slightly uneasy tummy!
I bet your thinking...well that isn't really anything emotional or emotion related. And it isn't but just wanted you to know that this is how my Monday was. Cause Sunday we the start of the emotional trip I am on.
We went to Sunday services and my friends parents are foster parents. Well they have a little tiny in the care. And I thought I could seriously handle holding him. I did fine with him in my arms. Nature kicked in, instinct and all that jazz. I wanted to hand him to my husband but the thought of my husband holding a baby so new, so tiny, a baby that...well it was to hard. So I never offered. It wasn't till after I had to give him back that it was hard. I want a baby so much. It hurts and I am angry! And I realized that I am angry a lot and anger is a secondary emotion. So I started thinking why am I angry with my son a lot, my husband, other people? It all started to settle in...all the whys, the hows, the oh mys.
With Bill I feel like I am letting him down. Like I am a bad mom...not motivated enough to do all I can for him. To lazy to be a good mom, to fat to play, to tired to want to do anything, to stupid to marry right so that he wouldn't have to deal with people who mostly get along. Don't get me wrong I love my husband but it is not an ideal marriage. I feel bad because he has a biodad that is to selfish and lame to be a part of his life.
I am angry with my husband because I know we shouldn't be married, cause he doesn't support me or love me in ways I need it! I am angry about our wedding, I am angry that I have felt the need to find other things in other men...that he has lead me in that direction. I know that in the end I make the final decisions and that is my fault doing anything I have done but I am angry he can't give me what I need. Angry with myself for marrying for the reasons I did and not listening to my gut and all the red flags!
I am angry at other people for having what I want, what I feel I deserve and I am so freakin ANGRY at myself! Angry I can't seem to take control of my life, my weight, my emotions...Angry that I am not a better mom, wife, daughter, sister. Angry at myself for being angry.
I let what others have done to me, kept from me turn me into this person that I don't like half the time. I miss being happy, being carefree, being fun! I am tired that my dad not visiting or keeping in touch with my son hurts me...that I let it hurt me. That I can't cut ties with him to make me healthier. I am angry that my sister-law came in between me and my brother...that I can't see my nephew that I looked forward to meeting while she was with me. I angry that I feel alone in caring for my mom...that my sisters seem so wrapped up in their lives, their families to help to live closer to her. I love my mom and would never feel right leaving her! I don't feel she is burden but that is an honor and a great privilege to care for her the older she gets.
Maybe I don't have the right to be angry about all the things that I am but I am! I am just tired of feeling worthless and unworthy. And I know I won't find that in someone else until you can find it in yourself. But it doesn't help to have someone there helping you find it in you...someone who believes in you!
So much venting and yet none it makes me feel any better. I want to be back to the days I was happy...I can handle stress when I am happy but stress when I am unhappy? God is the only answer and I can never seem to be smart enough to make him a priority enough! Everything else is a priority...stupid shows that will end in time, people, places, money...just tired of it all. I just want to be happy again!

First Week

Ok...so first week hmmmm....where to start? I did awesome the first two days...said no the cravings and rocked it! But then I slipped into a gnarly depression and started my period(hard times in my months). I wanted to eat and eat everything. Well my friends husband celebrated a birthday and of course I was like I will have a tiny piece and just show my love. Well yeah that was just the first of the going against the rules. I then the following day had fast food...granted it was a salad but I had a coke! Then my husband got in a fight and of course the depression got worse and my determination well....pretty much just disappeared! So now it is Saturday and my sister is having a bday party for my nephew and well they always have good food and lots of it! So I am eating and I will eat...but I need to get this bad boy under control! So Monday I will get my butt in gear.
I do plan to start hitting the gym at our apartment complex when my husband gets home from work. That will help keep the depression at bay and keep my motivation up! Plus I picked up this new supplement and it is like the natural version of Metformin! Which I never liked taking cause I always felt weird on it and the first like couple weeks of it were the worst. Plus I don't like taking Rx. So I am hoping this works...it says it should be a week or so before I feel a difference. So we will see!
Oh, get this! I have a digital scale and like an old school one...the digital one said I was 294 and then the next day I found my old school one and it said 278. So I am going with my old school since it seems like it should be more reliable.
Well sorry if you were hoping for awesome results from this week but this is my life in loosing weight...all the good, all the bad...all the temptations!
So till next week!

My life with PCOS

First let's cover what PCOS stands for and what it is for you that don't know. PCOS stands for Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome. It is a condition in some ways like diabetes in as far as it involves insulin levels. And as much as you would think that the ovaries cause the issues by the name of the condition they are merely a side effect. PCOS effects almost every aspect of ones life...menstrual cycle, fertility, mood, weight, energy levels, weight loss, appearance, etc. There are many woman out there that don't know that they have it. I think it is sad that they are dealing with the struggles the rest of us are but don't know why it is happening.
I found out that I had PCOS when I was about 16 years old. I was put on BC(birth control) because it was supposed to help. Not really! I stopped taking the BC because it didn't do anything. Along with finding out that I had PCOS I was told having a kid was going to near to impossible. So the way I saw it I was a walking birth control pill. No need for condoms or RX for birth control...my body was doing it on its own(I know STUPID). Well for years I didn't have problems with getting pregnant...then right before my 21st birthday I met a guy and one thing lead to another and the following month I found out I was pregnant! A little shocked and worried the whole time that I wasn't going to carry full term or my son would die. But I carried him for a 41 weeks and spent 9 hours in labor and 30 min of pushing. And there he was my beautiful, never supposed to happen, one in a million shot baby! And oh do I love him! Don't get me wrong he drives me up the walls sometimes but the love is always there.
I did have a completely uneventful pregnancy as well...no diabetes during pregnancy, no nothing...but during my last trimester I packed on the pounds from stupid eating! BOY do I regret that now! I put on a total of 40lbs being pregnant with my little man. So when all was said and done I went from 210lbs to 250lbs. I was dealing with the extra weight and since I was a single mom and working full time I didn't focus to much on loosing it. I wasn't adding any extra pounds past what I had. Well the November of the year I had my little man I met my husband! We were married by the following March and I moved far from my family and friends and everything I had known and loved! I also became unbelievable sedentary! And we ate out a lot...A LOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So from 250lbs I slowly(quickly) in a couple months packed on another 30-40lbs! I was now a HUGE person! I am only 5ft 3in...almost 300lbs is a lot on my frame! I have dieted since I have been married and lost weight...but it always comes back due to lack of commitment on my end. But before condemning me for putting back on you have to realize that loosing weight with PCOS is hard and sometimes it doesn't show up on the scale but only in inches on a measuring tape. Not always easy to see your weight the same after working so hard! I have done the hour in the gym 6 days a week and watching calories! And 6lbs was all I lost over a period of 6 weeks! So it has been hard!
Dieting is also not easy! I mean every book I read on how to eat when you have PCOS takes away so many foods and so I want to eat and eat everything there is...it doesn't matter if I am hungry or not I want to eat. I eat to make myself feel better...I order extra food so people think it is for someone else as well...I order food and eat it before I get home to feed my family and myself...I eat two dinners because what someone else suggest sounds better. I am seriously unhealthy! But here is the kicker...my son, OH BOY, I am strict with his food. He gets junk food occasionally but he mostly eats healthy. He loves fruits and veggies and is not much of a meat eater! I didn't want him being overweight!
So here I am at 25, married and a mother(wanting more) and weighing 296lbs! Please don't cry don't gasp! It is a weight! I don't care so much about the weight as being healthy! Yes I would love to see the scale say 200lbs or even 154lbs but if I can be healthy at 200lbs then I will be happy there! I want to have the energy to play with my son and to live long enough to be a big part of his life and his kids life. I don't want to be a picture on the wall or a memory that he tells to his kids!
So today my wonderful hubbers(Jim) and I started a 30 day challenge. I need support and he needs to loose weight. So for 30 days(minus our anniversary and son's bday) there is NO sugar, NO soda(sparkling waters are ok), NO fast food, 30 minutes minimum of physical activity and there is one more but I can't not for the life of me remember what it is! So in 30 days I will be thinner...maybe not pounds but inches. Sometimes with PCOS inches are the first to go and it is a long time till the pounds catch up and start shedding! So I will post more when week one is done of the 4 weeks!