Change in mindset

Recently I have come to a realization...part to my own awareness and part to others. But I have come to see that I am a complainer...I complain about my husband and my marriage more then anything else. That doesn't make for pleasant conversation. But I think my complaining goes higher then what I am complaining about but more to the fact that I am not happy. It is true...I am so angry so much that I don't even know how to handle situations anymore but to blow up! I am not going to say that situations don't arise that I am able to control my anger. But I just don't like what I have become.
Like I have said before anger is a secondary emotion. So if someone is acting out of anger then there is something else going on. Well that is true in my case...I am a very scared, hurt and unhappy person. And I have heard the you can choose to be happy...you can choose to look at only the good in your life. I believe that to a point! The thing is sometimes I think the things that make you angry stare you in the face a lot and it makes it harder to ignore them. Tho who said life was easy?
So I have decided to quit complain so often...to if the only thing I can say is going to be a complain to either keep quite or look for a positive somewhere...if not in my life then in someone elses! And I think it will help that I am starting counseling tomorrow...separate from the marriage counseling we are doing. I have things going on inside of me that need to be worked on if I want any hope of fixing this marriage! So wish me luck on my first session! I am a little nervous. I tend to just glaze over things and make things sound fine because I don't want to deal with it all. But I need to stop hiding from it and face it. My bestie has been helping to get to this point! She keeps telling me to get better in the head so I can get my life in order! She can be so supportive...even when she doesn't agree with my life choices she is there! Love her!
So I will be keeping you all up to date on my counseling and what I am learning and work towards! It will be a difficult thing to work through but I will be the better for it. Plus I will be better for my marriage, my husband and my son!