Counseling and hCG

Ok so we had our first counseling session yesterday. I was so nervous...you would have thought that I was going to have to get nakes. But I guess in a way you are naked. You are exposing parts of yourself that most people may never see. I didn't talk to much about myself but the things I did say were enough for him to figure something out about me that I wasn't being honest about myself with. He said that I tend to suclude myself from people. I never really saw myself as someone who did that. But when I told my mom she said that everyone knew that. She said that whenever someone(even my family) gets to close I push them away. And that is true. I am always so worried about being hurt and hurting others that keeping everyone at a certain distance makes it easier. Now on that note do I also sabotage myself to be a disappointment to other so they stay away? I mean how much of my behavior and actions have been because of wanting to keep others at a distance?
We are scheduled to go back next week for more counseling. I am interested to see what he is going to have us do. He mentioned something about a love map and getting us to a point that we aren't at such far ends of relationship spectrums. That Jim can learn to give me the space I need and that I can let my guard down enough to give Jim the intamcy he needs. I hope this works...I know marriage(like most things)isn't easy but I would like an easier marriage! Plus I would like a calmer house for Bill and a better example of what marriage is for him! Cause right now what is going on in our home is not good for anyone. It is toxic and just bringing out the worst in us all. I see how it is effecting Bill and everytime I see it it hurts and I am ashamed of myself!
So now to change topics...something I totally rock at lol
My hCG appointment is next Friday! Hmmmmm...I am a little weirded out about the drastic diet change I will be going on but at the same time I am excited about the weight loss. I know that eatting will be diffrent from now on. While I am taking the shots I can only eat so much a meal. So I think our eatting out bill will go down a lot and my waistline! I will definatly be on here more once I am on the shots. There will be hunger pains to talk about and distractions needed. Plus I think I will have a break through mentally with having to change so much! Might even figure out how to put a before pic up from my first day on. Then every two weeks put an updated pic up with how much weight I am down!
So please pray for me and pray for my family! We will need it!