I KNOW!!!!!!!

I know that there are times that I am a downer...sometimes I am so overwhelmed by my life and things going on it that that is all I can talk about. But it seems like people get mad at me instead of encouraging me to be diffrent. If you don't like me talking negatively around you then say it. Or give me some encouraging words.
I don't think I have this HORRIBLE life and that everyone elses is easier. I know everyones life comes with heartache and struggles. I don't think my life would be easy or better if certain people weren't in it anymore. I know that I am in control of my happiness. But there are times that people are so overwhelmed by trying to fix things and failing and by living with something is draining on them.
I have a great home to live in, food to eat, people who love and and some AWESOME friends. But sometimes when you have been beaten down and are at your lowest it is hard to live in the good. It is hard to always focus on the light in your life.
Sin is easy, anger is easy...that is how Satan gets us. By showing us the easy part of life...the bad part of life. Gaining weight is easy for people...but loosing it is not! Letting your kid do whatever they want when they want is easy...disciplining them is not! So yes I am aware of what is easy and what is hard. But the hard will wear you down and you want to give up, run away and that, THAT is the time when you need the love and support of those around! Not negative words or people telling you that you enjoy living in the misery. Because I don't enjoy living in my misery I want to be happy even in the bad times. But that is a hard thing to learn to do. No one is amazing at it. I have found few people who can praise God and always find good in the bad. And people like that annoy me just because it is a foreign thought to me to live all the time looking and focusing on the good.
No I am not always happy or positive...yes it is easier for me to live in negatives. My life is not easy nor do I always have the support I feel I need! A lot of the times I feel alone and tired and worn out! The last three years of this marriage has been really hard. I have worked towards making it better and love my marriage when it is great. But when it gets hard and stays hard I have a hard time focusing on the good times we have had to get us through the bad. I am so scared of life and living and failing and succeeding...I don't know what it is like to succeed and that scares me...but I don't like failing.
Everything we do, say, think is all a choice and a desire. We can choose to be happy yes...but getting there is not easy and not everyone knows how to do it. Sometimes happy seems to so hard and so far away. Because Satan will come in and mess it up...and we can choose to allow him to mess us up or run over him and tell him "Get away I am going to be happy"
I pray for strength and understanding to be able to do that! I want to be happy...I want to teach my son to be happy no matter what he faces.